I work with over 40 men. We have started to even the odds by hiring a few women lately, but we gals are still considerably outnumbered. From time-to-time, I hear the guys talking about their marriages and women in general. As a member of the superior sex, I realize at times we are hard to read. In an effort to educate all you men, I am offering the following guide to understanding the female language.

She says, “It has been a long time since we’ve gone out.”
He hears, “Thanks for taking me out last month.”
She means, “Take me on a frickin date!”

She says, “I am so tired of cleaning the kitchen.”
He hears, “I am going to clean the kitchen, enjoy watching the game.”
She means, “Stop watching that stupid game and clean the frickin kitchen!”

She says, “No problem, I will just do it myself.”
He hears, “No problem.”
She means, “If you don’t take care of this immediately, you will receive the ice-queen treatment for the next three days.”

She says, “I wish we had money for a new outfit.”
He hears, “I am so glad we are being careful with our spending during the recession.”
She means, “I want that frickin outfit. Make it happen.”

She says, “I am fine.”
He hears, “Nothing’s wrong.”
She means, “You have sixty seconds to figure out why I am so unhappy right now.”

She says, “I am so tired.”
He hears, “I am so tired.”
She means, “It is your night to stay up with the baby, or else.”

She says, “Oh look, there’s a Wendy’s”
He hears, “Oh look, there’s a Wendy’s”
She means, “I want a frosty. Turn the car around.”

Well, there ya have it. As I am always super-easy to read, my husband never has difficulty understanding me. I mean, wait… hmmm… nevermind.