Frickin Polygamy & Sister Wives
Posted by Lori | Posted in Frickin Blog | Posted on 01-10-2010
Tags: mormon colonies in Mexico, mormon polygamy, polygamy, reality show on polygamy, sister wives
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I can’t help it. I am addicted. I was glued to Sister Wives (a polygamous reality show) last Sunday, and I can hardly wait for the next episode.
The show fascinates me. You know the people that slow down and rubber-neck when they see a car wreck? Well, that is me with Sister Wives.
My interest in polygamy isn’t new. When Tim and I were dating, I begged him to drive me to Colorado City, so we could sneak into their church services. We got so far as the parking lot, where we were politely asked to leave. Darn it! Didn’t they want a new recruit? I was offended. I guess I should have braided my hair that day. Or perhaps my make-up turned them off. Frick!
Later, I talked Tim into taking me to another fundamentalist church service. This time, we got in! Wahoo! I could hardly wait to people watch. I was sorely disappointed to find that these men and women looked and acted just like us. Other than a poor sound system and a different way of passing the Sacrament, the meeting was a lot like the LDS services I attend.
Why am I so interested in polygamy?
Perhaps, because I grew up with stories of the Mormon Polygamy Colonies in Mexico. Although the Church stopped actively promoting Polygamy in the United States in 1890, many Mormon Polygamists were instructed by LDS Church leaders to take their families and continue plurality in Mexico through the early 1900s.
My adopted Grandma, Rinda, grew up in the Colonies and was full of really amazing tales. I heard about her mother, a fiery red-head, that took in boarders to support the family. Later, I thought about these stories more. Who WERE these women? How did they live that way? Weren’t there jealousies, frustrations, feelings of abandonment, nights filled with tears? Who were these men? How can they divide their love between multiple women?
I don’t understand it. Last Sunday on Sister Wives, a wife shared her feelings about knowing her husband is participating in certain indoor activities with the other wives. Her response: “Well gosh darn it, they better!”
Really? Really?! They BETTER?!
I love my husband. Do these women love their husband the same way? The idea of sharing Tim is unthinkable. How do they get past their jealousy? Why would they purposely choose a lifestyle that is certain to bring them pain? Do they really think they won’t be exalted without a sister wife, or is it just a preferred lifestyle? It just doesn’t make sense. I can’t believe that God would favor men and curse women this way.
Also- the LDS Church stopped practicing polygamy because they were worried about Governmental consequences. What happens when polygamy becomes legal? With all of the Governmental and Liberal support of Gay Marriage, how can polygamists continue to be ostracized? If gay marriage is legal, why not plural marriage? At some point, will I be part of a Church that embraces and promotes polygamy, again?
What do you think? Could you be a sister wife? I’ll admit, having a free live-in nanny would have its benefits. But seriously, could you do it?
Gay marriage will obviously have to be legislated first before there’s ANY talk about the government approving polygamy. How the church reacts to THAT will tell what they do if polygamy gets reinstated.
I can’t imagine the church embracing gay marriage just because it was legalized. But then again, there were probably people back in the 60′s that NEVER thought the church would change their stance on African-Americans after the civil rights movement, and yet here we are.
Great post; you ask a lot more questions than most Mormons about controversial topics like this. Good for you!
Thanks, Randy. I appreciate your comment.
Another question- If gay marriage becomes legal, will there by Proposition 8-type ballots for the legalization of polygamy, and who will support and oppose such ballots?
In addition to Mormon Fundamentalists, I could see members of the Islamic community requesting support for polygamy, as plural marriage is granted in the Quaran, but “only on condition that the husband is scrupulously fair.” (http://www.islamicinvitationcentre.com/FAQ/marriage/FAQ_marriage.html).
You know, I think the lds church has moderated enough in a hundred years that no Mormon has to worry about polygamy being reintroduced were it made legal. As far as polygamy in the afterlife, that’s every individual mormon’s issue to grapple with I guess.
I’m reading Brady Udall’s book, The Lonely Polygamist, and it sure is a fun and complicated look at the interaction between sister wives and their husband.
John, thanks for the comment and the suggestion for Brady Udall’s book- I will definitely check it out.
One thing is for sure, this topic is one that never seems to get old. It is a lightning rod for comments.
I think the key is faith in God. If we believe that the LDS church is being led by God through his prophet, then we should follow the prophet. However, I am not sure Polygamy will be reintroduced into the church anytime soon and it certainly will not happen simply because it becomes legal. However, I thought your point is interesting about it becoming legal and I can see a left wing government that would be liberal enough to allow it to be legal. Ugh, what is this world coming to????
ps – posted a link on my Facebook to get more readers to your post.
C’mon, Rick! I know you are ready to sign up- you’ve already made your poster and are just waiting to publicly endorse polygamy in a big march.
Alright, maybe not.
I don’t think I could ever be a sister wife. I was freaked out enough before I was married, I had a friend that was married and she (with her husband present) told me that if anything happened to her she would like me to marry her husband. I really don’t think that as LDS women that we will ever be asked to consider this kind of lifestyle. But like you I am curious at how polygamist women can live that type of lifestyle. Oh and I do love the game, spot the polygamist at the D.I. and at the Scottish festival.
Hey Amy, wow. That would be weird. I can’t imagine one of my friends telling me that they would want me to marry their husband (if something happened to her). But hey- that just means you are super awesome, right?
I was glad to see you wrote about this topic. I think these women are NUTS! Seriously and completely frickin nuts! We don’t have satellite service, so I can’t watch the show (thankfully), but I did watch the clips online. First of all, I think there’s no possible way these women enjoy sex and that they are glad they aren’t the ONE responsible for HIS sexual gratification. Maybe they’ll cover that more in the show, but it’s the only way I can explain it. He’s a sperm donor and friend so they can be mothers and he must obviously be a pretty good provider. Not to mention he’s not too bad looking either.
As far as my choice if we were ever to have the opportunity to be a part of polygamy – I’m way too feminist to ever agree to having a sister wife without having an opportunity to have a brotha husband…ahahaha! Not that I would want that, but I’m just sayin… I couldn’t do it – share a man – forget it!
Hey Nisha, I am with you on the husband sharing. I could never share Tim- ever.
Sorry Lori- After copying and pasting my post. I read it. It makes no sense. Let me clarify.
I run a buisness where families can come and take martial arts lessons. After two people start taking, and a third family member wants to take, the “family rate” kicks in. Who ever thought that I would need to take into consideration the colony that lives just over the hill, and about twenty minutes from us. There is a small colony of polygamists that lives just south of the boarder of Utah county. All of them look just the same as every day folk.. folk,.. haha,.. and seeing them at the local WalFart, they look just like everyone else. After having eight plus children in our “kid kicker” program between the ages of five, six, and seven.. one tends to raise an eyebrow.
One day, after arriving a few minutes late to class to take over my secretarial duties, I relieved the head instructor of signing up a child that was present there with their father. The father was busy filling out the paperwork, and turned to the child and asked, “When is your birthday?” I almost blurted out what I usually do, and ALMOST said,” C’mon dad, you don’t know when their birthday is,.. Lets call mom, I bet she remembers that day vividly.” After he turned the paperwork in, I glanced over the top of the membership in which I read the fathers name…. so and so. Thank goodness I had held my little sarcastic tounge!!! We had now up to twelve of this “busy” fathers children taking lessons from our martial arts institution.
On many different occasions I had the chance to meet four different moms of this busy father. The different moms always had financial questions. The question that I had, was,… “How are they dividing this up between the moms?
I had seen the different check books. One with the fathers name only on it. Then each mother had their own account, check design, and whatnot on their own account. Some mothers were “working mothers”, and actually held outside jobs, while other moms were seen multiple times at the with children at the grocery store. Were they buying for themselves and their own bio-offspring.. or for the whole family?
I even got confused one time, (and I think so did she) when I was talking to one of the moms about one of the children that I knew was not hers.. and didn’t know whether to call him/her a cousin or a brother/sister. She got confused too. I think they all refer to the children as brothers or sisters, but are not sure how to refer to the children when they are talking to an “ousider” about a so-called “family rate.” She knew that I knew which ones were biologically hers, and which ones were not, and which ones belonged to Robin, Rosemary, etc. Especially since I knew which ones she was most likely to be taking with her to the grocery store.
One mother with one son has still been taking lessons with us after around seven years. Now, don’t think that I haven’t wanted to ask… pry.. or blurt out….. HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU DO IT? Or, how exactly do things work at your house? I want to ask questions,.. but I am afraid. She won’t open up,.. I don’t think they’re allowed to.
I only wish I had a chance to interrogate,.. oops, I mean interview the mother of twelve that lived down the road from me in Santaquin that was an ex-polygamist. Unfortuneately she didn’t stay for too long, and I wasn’t able to do so. Strangely enough, she did go by multiple names. She had a given name, which she no longer went by,.. but something totally different. Was she hiding from the polygamist mafia or something? Makes me wonder.
Still my thoughts remain the same for this lifestyle. It can’t make sense! It just doesn’t! Even they have questions of fairness! I can’t imagine it only being financial. Talk about “the busy father” being a glorified pimp.
To be honest.. I think this topic of conversation has graced the extended family’s kitchen table a number of times. You will see that only women are opposed to this…. or at least I am. I would never feel more like a piece of meat, or be… feeling belittled in this life by anything else. I did see some commercials advertising this… I totally want to watch. I have always wanted to ask a lady whom I know, who looks totally normal, and I have met four of the different moms, and their father… I am always quite curious…. am I the only one who has these questions of jealousy, and fairness. In speaking to the different moms about financial questions they had on their “family membership” I can tell that there are fairness questions that they have. If you are an “outsider” … they won’t talk to you about things. I just happened to be in a position of authority when the different moms called asking questions. There is a question of fairness… in financial realms,.. which leads me to believe that there may be an issue of fairness in all areas of their life. Equality may be something that they struggle with. I cannot imagine ever being included in such a degrading subserviant slant of marriage and family life. It doesn’t make sense to me… it just doesn’t.
I am loving all the comments! Thanks for the comment, Sandee. I had never thought about the financial ramifications of being a polygamist. Keeping our finances in order keeps me very busy- and I am only keeping track of one family. Very interesting.
I would love to hear from a polygamist- any brave souls out there that could comment? We would love to hear your side of the story.
Also- I failed to mention earlier- and probably should: Although this is not a lifestyle I would choose for myself, I absolutely respect those who do. It is their choice and their religion. So long as they aren’t hurting others (child marriages, abuse, etc.) they have every right to live the lifestyle they choose.
Ok, so I was passing through lehi today and stopped in at the local walmart. Picked a few items, went to the checkout and there he was with his soon to be fourth wife, robin. I was telling my husband and son who they were and robin caught me talking about them. Ackward !!! We watched them leave in his fancy white sports car. Crazy huh.
Wow! I am totally jealous! That is awesome.
I want them to comment on this blog. Maybe I should camp out at Walmart.
He was buying a very large thing of toilet paper, lol. Someother items and got 40 dollars cash back. I was really watching and I felt a little bad. She knew I was watching. It was fun hehe.
Nice. I bet they go through a TON of toilet paper. Thanks for the comments- how fun.
I love this show. Mostly because it makes me feel normal. Hence why I watch most reality TV shows. But, it almost makes me question my beliefs on plural marriage. Is it bad or isnt’ it? It’s hard to say when everyone is consenting adults. But then they have kids and throw my whole theory in the garbage.
But it makes for FAB tv.
Steph, you are adorable. I love reality shows, too.
I can hardly wait to watch Sister Wives again tonight. The question is- will they ever show kids crying, arguing, or moms that are out of patience? Last week everybody was super happy and cooperative. I don’t know about your house, but not everybody in mine is super sweet every second. With 20 people in their household, I want to see some REAL life!
Oh come on… everyone at my house holds hands and skips along happily at all times.
Yes… last week seemed a little too happy go lucky for me. Marriage is FRICKIN’ hard (added the frickin just for you) and make that marriage times 3 or 4 it can only multiply. I want to see them get gritty and down to the hear of it all.
Agreed! This week it was better, because they showed emotion and jealousy. Now, if we can add a complete meltdown over what to make for dinner- I will really be a fan. Seriously though- I wonder what to make for my family of 4. How do they meal plan for 20?
hear=heart
duh me.
Would. Not. Do it. If other people want to do it, I agree, it’s not fair to legalize gay marriage and be mean to the sister wives.
I am far too jealous and insistent that I have a big strong man to snuggle up to every single night. Plus, no way am I sharing date night. It’s rare enough as it is, I can’t imagine only getting one a month.
But wow, I’m all over watching other people make it work.
Hi Annie, Nicely put. I feel the same way. Don’t prosecute the guy for actually marrying all the women he is sleeping with- but no thanks for yours truly.
Helpful blog, bookmarked the website with hopes to read more!
This is the 2nd occasion I have come across your blog post in the last couple weeks. Seems like I ought to take note of it.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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