I was busy working on a report this morning, when I received a Facebook chat from my cousin, Alisha. It wasn’t long into the conversation, when I realized that either Alisha has suffered a very serious memory loss (she called her son by the wrong name) and can no longer spell, or I was chatting with a hacker.

Knowing Alisha is pretty up on her game, I decided that it must be the latter. I have always wanted to scam a scammer, so I took this opportunity to look away from my spreadsheet and enjoy a good laugh. For your pleasure, I posted the chat below. My comments are in italics.

Please note, I did use a little language, but in order to avoid typing it here, I replaced the word with symbols. However, if four symbols referencing the scorching underworld offends you, my deepest apologies (kind of).

Alisha: hey lori How are you

10:11amMe: Hi Alisha, I am great. How are you?

10:11amAlisha: not too good.. in a deep mess as we speak!

10:12amMe: I am so sorry. what is wrong?

10:12amAlisha: We got stranded in Wales

10:12amMe: What?! That is awful. Where is Wales? The whole family is stranded? (I knew there was a Wales in Utah, but couldn’t remember where. I assumed she was discussing a Utah city, as I knew she wasn’t out-of-town.)

10:14amAlisha: yes we got mugged at gun point last night! all cash,credit cards and cell phone was stolen! Connor is missing! (Um, her son’s name is Gary. HELLO HACKER! Should have done some research!)

10:16amMe: Oh my GOSH! (Really excited that I get to play along.) Where in Wales are you?

10:24amAlisha: I need your help!!

10:24amMe: What can I do for you? Want me to drive and pick you up? Wales is only a couple hours from here. Give me your location. (After I typed this, I thought, darn it! This may have ended the conversation.)

10:27amAlisha: Wales ,England (Really?! Wales, England? Isn’t that like saying Mexico, United States? HELLO! Wales is a country! Not only does this idiot have no sense of geography; he seriously can’t type.)

10:28amMe: Oh wow! What can I possibly do to help you? I will do anything for my cute cousin! You poor, poor thing! What are you going to do about Connor? What a nightmare?! (Yes, I think I could have a career in acting.)

10:29amAlisha: Our return flight leaves in few hours but having troubles sorting out the hotel bills  The local cops are carrying out investigations about that.. right now am totally devastated! we need financial help!

10:30amMe: Just tell me how much. I will wire immediately.

10:30amAlisha: couldn’t get a hold of anyone right now really sucks .. my head is presently hurting with my pregnancy i hate to say i’m sick right now

10:31amMe: How do I send the money to you? (By now, I have two co-workers in my office with me. We are all laughing hysterically.)

10:31amAlisha: I was wondering if you could loan me some few $$ to sort out the hotel bills and take a cab to the airport

10:31amMe: Of course!

10:31amAlisha: I will definitely refund… i still have my passport you can have it wired to my name and present location via western union  Do you any WU ??

10:31amMe: Oh no, don’t worry about that! What is WU?

10:32amAlisha: Western Union Money Transfer  Do you know any store near you?

10:32amMe: No, but I can probably find one. How much do you need?

10:33amAlisha: All we need is $2000  I promise to refund tomorrow

10:33amMe: Are you sure that is all you need? We can definitely send more.

10:34amAlisha: Yes.. that’s all we need but we may need some more if you can assist (We were hoping that this yahoo was uber excited and was thinking he had scored big time. )

10:35amMe: I also have Brenda on the line. She will send money too. (I am talking to my Aunt on the phone, telling her that the real Alisha better change her password ASAP.)

10:36amAlisha: You will need my details where to wire the money but meanwhile you can look up a near by WU office from the website

10:36amMe: I have one. Send me the account information. Hurry!

10:37amAlisha: Name – Alisha Jacob Beckstrom
Location – 59 Dan y Coed Road Cardiff,
London CF23 6NE United Kingdom (Can authorities work with Western Unions to stop this activity? This is pretty good information.)

10:37amMe: Anything else? Account number? (Really hoping I could get something to nail this criminal.)

10:37amAlisha: That’s all you need to wire to me i will pick the cash up with my Passport ID  no acct needed dear (Does this mean they have a fake passport in Alisha’s name? SCARY!)

10:37amMe: OK, consider it done…  Right after @%$ freezes over, you hacker loser.

10:37amAlisha: How soon will you get it done?

10:38amMe: After I report you.

10:38amAlisha: I know u are an !@%$#%@

10:38amMe: Reporting to facebook now.

So, there you go. Frickin cyber criminals using Facebook to steal money. What losers.

According to Symantec, identity theft happens every three seconds on the internet and has surpassed illegal drug trafficking as the #1 money maker. You may want to visit Scam Free Internet, it has some good information about protecting yourself against cyber crime.

Facebook is also aware of this, and has posted this information on their site regarding money transfer scams. I recommend choosing long and difficult passwords with letters and numbers and changing your passwords often. Hopefully, we can all be safer if we take this precautions. Frickin hackers!

Graphic credit: Daily Mirror

Our son was diagnosed with infant botulism and had to spend 3 months in Primary Children’s Hospital last summer. It was a trying time for the entire family.

We told our daughters that when he got better we would celebrate with a Disneyland vacation. The good news? He got better! The not-so-good news? We were buried in a mountain of medical debt.

By February, we needed a vacation- really bad. The question was, how would we pay for it? We are firm believers in the Dave Ramsey school-of-thought, and are against financing vacations with debt. So, what do you do?

You research, plan and budget.

Below is how we took six people on a Disneyland vacation for less than $1300.00.

How to Save Money at Disneyland

Tips for stretching your dollars and having a fantastic vacation without breaking your budget.

Disney Tickets

Never, ever pay full price for Disneyland Tickets. Instead, look on Craigslist.org, KSL.com, (or your local classifieds) and you can usually find another family that will split the expense of Park Hopper tickets. Six-day Park hopper passes are approximately $160 each. If you split the tickets with another family, each person can park hop for three days for a mere $80. Our total cost for three days at The Happiest Place on Earth (for five people): $400.00. (Note, Park Hopper tickets are only good for 14 days and are technically non-transferable. There’s my disclaimer. )

Disneyland Hotels

You can usually find a hotel in Anaheim for less than $50/night, but you may have to room with bed bugs. As much as we love a good adventure, we decided against this. We researched hotel rooms a few minutes each evening for about a week. We found the best deal through Bing (sorry Travelocity, Hotels.com and Expedia- Bing really does have the best deals on hotels.) We booked a suite at the Double Tree that comfortably slept six for $105.00/night. Total cost with taxes: $362.25.

Food

Food can really break your budget. I planned our meals ahead of time and it saved us a ton of money. I went to Costco and loaded up on drinks, pastries, sandwich food, snacks and fruit. We ate breakfast in our room each morning, and came back for lunch. We only ate in the park once, and chose close restaurants like Denny’s and Subway for dinner. For our one meal at Disney, we splurged and chose the Blue Bayou. It was a little expensive, but worth every penny. If you want a fun experience, make a reservation ahead of time and request the waterfront. It is frickin awesome.

Another quick tip: Pack a backpack with snacks and drinks. This saved us loads of money. We took a pack that kept drinks cold and we stayed hydrated all day. Disney also rents out lockers. If you want to pack a lunch, you can lock it up and eat it later. The lockers are a little small, so plan accordingly. I would recommend an insulated lunch box during hot summer days.

Food for five days: $290.00. (If we subtract the Blue Bayou, our food budget was $161.00.)

Trinkets

You can’t go to Disneyland without buying your little princess some Micky Mouse ears. This is absolutely forbidden. We budgeted $100 for souvenirs, but only spent $50.00. My sister went to Disneyland with her family a few weeks before and was also on a budget. They agreed to take a timeshare tour and earned $200 Disneyland bucks. As much as I adore time share pressure, we opted out of this recommendation. However, if you are strapped for cash, it is a good way to go.

Fun Disney tip: If you buy a balloon and lose it or it pops, Disney will replace it for free. Just show your string (or your moist-eyed child) to a balloon vendor and they will hook you up.

Total spend on souvenirs: $50.00.

Anaheim Transportation

If your hotel does not offer a free shuttle, you can either take a bus or pay for parking. The ART (Anaheim Resort Transport) picks up every 30 minutes and drops you off at your hotel, or very close-by. Check with your hotel, because they most likely offer discounted Day Passes. Otherwise, parking at Disney is $14/day. If you have a large group- parking may be cheaper. For us, the bus passes were more convenient. My kids hated the long walk from Disneyland to the parking garage, and preferred taking public transit.

Gas

Do you have an iPhone? Wait a minute; you don’t? Well, I can sell you one with a little water damage. Anyway, it is worth downloading the Gas Buddy application. We saved a ton of money by planning our gasoline stops. On average, we saved up to $10 every fill-up. The application even provides a map and directions to each gas station. We budgeted $200 for gas and saved $74 due to the frickin awesome Gas Buddy. Total spend on gas: $126.00.

So, there you go!

Question- was following this budget inconvenient? Tim would say, “Yes, abso-Frickin-lutely.” I say, “Yes, at times.” However, for us it was worth the planning. We had an amazing time and really didn’t feel like we were missing out on anything. In fact, it made me feel better about the trip, because we were being responsible and not spending money that we didn’t have. In fact, we got back from the trip and paid off a hospital bill. To me, that is success.

You know you do it. Before you start defending yourself, it’s OK. Everyone does it.

I am nearly positive that everyone has surfed the web, taken a call, or conducted some business, while conducting other business at least half a dozen times.

Personality Types of John-Talkers

Some people only talk on the phone (while on the john) in the privacy of their home.

Others feel comfortable talking on the phone in any bathroom- WalMart, the airport, McDonalds, work, church, you name it!

I know a few people who are insecure about their cell-phone bathroom secret. They try to hide their bathroom sounds. Never, ever will these people flush while on the phone. Instead, they finish their conversation and flush afterward. People- I have something to tell you. You aren’t fooling us. 

It kind of makes you think twice about borrowing someone’s cell phone, doesn’t it?

In the Toilet

With all of this bathroom talk, it is bound to happen. At some point, you might just do, what we just did. Yes, it is true. Someone in my home (who shall stay unnamed) dropped their iPhone in the frickin toilet.

This is not uncommon. In fact, I did a Google search and there are 4,340,000 web pages with the phrase “cell phone in the toilet.” I am not sure if I should feel better about our predicament or worse about society.

Anyway, if this happens, what do you do? Don’t worry. We can help. Follow these steps and you will be back to talking while making nature calls again- in no time.

7 Easy Steps for Fixing Your Toilet-Drenched iPhone

1. Retrieve the phone from the toilet. Quickly. Do not stop to pull up your pants.
2. Dry the phone off on a towel, your shirt, your dropped drawers- whatever you can grab.
3. Pull up your pants.
4. Blow-dry your phone. Do this for a really long time. Curse if you need to.
5. Put your phone in a bowl of rice for 24 hours. The rice will absorb the extra water.
6. Give up on the frickin rice idea. Swear again.
7. Go to AT&T and drop hundreds of dollars on a new phone. Curse one more time.

Voilà. You are back in business. Assume your position on the throne and hold your phone REALLY tight.

Disclaimer: The individual mentioned above claims to have been walking towards the toilet with their phone, when it launched from their grasp and landed in the toilet. The individual is adamant he/she was not watering the horse with phone in hand. OK. We believe you.

For those of you that know me, you are well aware that my passion is gardening. I believe this obsession may have begun when I was in the womb. Wait- probably even before then. There is most likely some genetic code in my DNA that is the root of my addiction. (Root. I know, I know, could I be any more clever?)

My Mom lives to garden and always has. I blame her for my obsession. Only my mother could understand the excitement that is brought on by a new load of dirt with peat moss. Further, only my mother gets the obsessive/compulsive behavior required to keep planting bulbs late into the night with a flashlight and bucket of water. For this, I love my mother.

I didn’t always love digging in dirt. My Mom used to require all of us kids to fill at least one bucket of weeds each summer morning. (I learned quickly to pull really big weeds.) As I grumbled under my breath, I vowed to never subject my kids to such torture. I was going to be a nice mom, a cool mom, the kind of mother that all the neighborhood kids wished they had. I would let my kids play all day and never, ever, EVER make them pull weeds. Further, I would have an entire yard filled of grass and not waste time or money on perennials, annuals, seeds, veggies, or anything else that grows in the ground.

Enter the genetic code.

The addiction is so strong that I wake up in the middle of the night and consider going outside and planting. If there isn’t anything to plant, I think about heading to the nursery… again and again.

A few days ago I got a pretty deep sliver while gardening. Like an idiot, I listened to some sage advice and left it in my finger- thinking it would work itself out. Today, I have a finger the size of a hot dog. It hurts so much that I am pretty sure my entire heart has migrated out of my chest, down my arm, and into my finger. I went to the doctor who attempted to remove the sliver without much success.  I was put on an antibiotic (yuck) percocet (yum) and was told to keep my finger clean and dry.

So, what did I do? Tonight when I was done working, I headed out to my yard and amended my soil. I think I need some serious counseling. Is there a gardening anonymous group I can frickin join?

Kids are the best! Nothing makes me laugh harder than the cute expressions that come out of my four-year old. Last night, I was working in my basement office when I heard Sadie upstairs. She sounded stressed, so I ran up to the kitchen to see what was bothering her. She had her face and hands pressed up against the sliding glass door and was yelling:

“Stop Snowing! Stop Snowing!”

I asked her what was wrong, and she replied, “The snow is not listening to me and that is not very nice.”

She cracks me up. Only Sadie would think that she could control the weather. Sometimes I find us competing for the alpha female role at home, and a lot of times she wins. If you know me very well, this takes some serious effort.

One day after I came home from work, I noticed her hair looked cute. I asked her if Daddy did her hair that morning. She replied, “Yes, but he is only a boy.”

A few weeks ago, Sadie was whining because she was trying to roller-skate in our family room. (OK, before you think I am crazy, the skates have never been used outside.) She was frustrated because HER toys were in the way. I suggested that she clean them up instead of whining. Her response, “But, I am not a mom.”

She has been especially fond of Pinocchio lately, and asks to watch it on my iPhone, eight minutes at a time via youtube. This activity can keep her occupied for over an hour each viewing. (I am becoming especially fond of Pinocchio too, come to think of it!) The funny thing is, no matter how many times she watches the movie, she refers to Pinocchio as Uh-nocchio. We have told her over and over again that it is P-inocchio. Yesterday she said, “Mom, try again. It isn’t PA-nocchio, it is UH-nocchio. Say it with me- Uh-nocchio.”

Her favorite activity (next to watching Uhnocchio) is taking pictures on my iPhone. I have noticed the picture gallery growing on my phone recently. I now have over 50 pictures of her not-so-clean room (see above), 30-40 close-ups of Johnny, even more close-ups of Sadie, as well as about 10 pictures of our TV. Even as I type this post, she is busy taking pictures. So far, we have pictures of this post, her chair, the computer and the floor.

I heart her! Mommyhood is the frickin best!

Yesterday my friend and I went on a walking tour of our neighborhood. We visited with a number of our neighbors that have outstanding Richmond American warranty issues. We are excited to report that Richmond American has been very responsive, and has agreed to repair driveways, garages, drywall, stucco, porches, insulation, sprinkler systems, and other items.

While we were walking, our conversation turned to the sidewalks. Who is responsible for this eyesore? Is it Richmond American, Eagle Mountain or the Home Owners Association? There are huge sections that are spalling, cracked, chipped, and need repair.

A couple years ago, some moronic “repair” crew (I wonder who hired them, and further PAID them? C’mon folks, that was one frickin shoddy job!) came through our neighborhood and spray-painted circles around every cement problem. A few days later, a couple of inexperienced laborers came through and slopped some cement on top of the holes and cracks. Today, the cracks and spalling are worse than ever, and to add insult to injury, the spray-painted circles are still there, calling greater attention to them. There are approximately two to three of these “patches” in front of every home. What the frick? Who’s idea was that?

My parents have lived in a Lindon subdivision for almost ten years, and their sidewalks look great. This makes me wonder: Is this a Richmond issue or an Eagle Mountain issue? Perhaps both? I am curious if any other subdivisions have the same problem. Our sidewalks make our neighborhood look ghetto, and are a safety concern for kids on bikes, scooters and tricycles.

I took the pictures showing the cracks in front of my home. There are other houses in the neighborhood that are considerably worse. The sidewalk section adjacent to my driveway is spalling (the top is chipping off) but it is not as bad as the sidewalk shown below.

As responsive as Richmond has been regarding outstanding warranty issues, I am curious what their recommendation is on this.

Now that our houses are getting fixed, it would be really nice to have beautiful sidewalks as well. With all of these improvements, I might want to stay awhile! Can you say summer block party? Frick yeah!

With all the emotion I have in my soul, I have tirelessly embarked upon a journey of frickin artistic discovery. Richmond American, I dedicate this ode to thee.

For four long winters

I trembled on icy, frigid nights where heat escaped me.

For forty-eight unending months

I stumbled on our driveway, falling, trying to protect my Nordstrom shoes from gravel marks.

For one thousand, four hundred days

I wiped away tears of frustration over a dryer-vent that whipped through the air mercilessly, unable to be attached to the outside vent.

For 33,600 hours

I cursed the plastic covering our main floor fireplace, prohibiting its use.

For 2,016,000 minutes

I glared at my windows, wishing they protected me from heat and cold.

For 120,960,000 seconds

I swore I would never buy another Richmond Home.

Now, I shall change my song and begin a count anew.