I like dogs. I really do. I grew up with them and find them cute, sweet, and generally lovable.

What I don’t like? Dog owners. I believe there are two types of dog owners. The responsible type and the (insert curse word of your choice) type.

One of my favorite coworkers, Dan Bischoff, came to work on Friday with a crumpled-up piece of paper. The night before, he had left this note for his neighbor:

“It is 12:33 a.m. as I write this. Your dogs have been barking for 5 hours straight. And it has gotten progressively worse…”

He politely asked the owner to do something about the situation and reminded the owner that incessant barking is in violation of the HOA rules. What did the dog owner do? She crumpled up the note, threw it into the bushes and wrote back. On her note, she let him know that he was not Christ-like because he left the note. Hmmm, I guess letting your dogs bark all night is?

This is especially interesting to me, because Dan is also a dog owner. He takes his dog fishing, hiking, and makes sure the dog is happy and exercised. I have found that most dog owners are pretty patient with other dog owners. However, I am guessing last Thursday was not the only night the Bischoff family lost sleep due to dog barking. So, for Dan to finally give up and write the note, and receive the response he did (instead of an apology), made me realize: There aren’t bad dogs- just bad dog owners.

Which kind of dog owner are you? Here is a quick test to determine if you the perfect parent for your pooch.

What Kind of Dog Owner Are You?

1. Do you roll over, and put your head under your pillow while your dog barks all night? No? Good for you! Give yourself 3 points.

2. Do you pick up your doggie’s doodoo, or better yet, not let him relieve himself in your neighbor’s yard? Awesome. This one is worth 2 points.

3. Is your dog so bored during the day, that he barks through the fence at everything that moves? No, then you are stellar- 5 points for you!

4. Do you leave your doggie’s doodoo on your front lawn, creating such a stink the neighbors can smell it? No? Yay! I love you! 5 points.

5. Do you get crazy-offended when someone asks you to remove poop, or stop your dog from barking? No? Well, that means you are a grown up! Congratulations for being emotionally mature, give yourself 10 points.

How did you score?

0-10 Points:  You are about as as worthless as the smelly poopie on my front lawn. Don’t be surprised if you are rewarded by a flaming paper-bag full of poop on your front porch.

10-15 Points: Not a horrible doggie owner, but you have some serious work to do. Print out this blog and read it daily while looking in the mirror and doing affirmations. “I am a good doggie parent. I will be responsible for my pooch.”

15-19 Points: You are a good doggie parent. Give yourself and your puppy a treat.

20+ Points: I love you. You should start your own blog, titled, “My dog is good and your dog takes after you.” It will get readers, I promise.

What do you think? What are your thoughts on dogs and their owners?