Dear Mr. Kirby,

I love your vacuum. Thank you for the 210 minute presentation in June. It was exactly how I wanted to spend my Saturday.

Question- In that amount of time, your rep could have cleaned my entire house. Why stop at one room?

Today, the same girl who poured flour on my carpet, offered me a vacuum cleaner massage, and gave me an entirely new opinion of the phrase, “vacuum cleaner salesman” came by my house… again.

She stated, “You look so familiar.”

I said, “I should. You spent 3 and 1/2 hours trying to sell me a vacuum in June.”

She started telling me how all of my neighbors are going to let her clean a room. It really helps her out because Kirby pays her twenty-five dollars…  (At this point, I had tuned her out, and was thinking about what to make for dinner.)

In case you want to send her by again, I thought I would write you a little note. For the record, I do not care about the following:

- Her free trip to Vegas, even though she has always wanted to go and could never afford it.

- How I can get a special deal today only- she just needs to get approval from her manager. “WAIT! OMG! I have him on the phone! He is going to offer you the BEST DEAL EVER! I can’t believe he is doing this! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr. Manager! You don’t know how much this MEANS to me!”

- If she sells one more, she will bonus.

- She gets paid $25 whether she makes the sell, or not, and really needs money for school.

- “It is SO HOT out here today! I would enjoy coming in and cooling off!”

- “It is only one room. I won’t be NEARLY as talkative this time!”

- About your special financing. There is nothing special about a bazillion percent interest.

Please tell your Kirby rep that we have a magical system called the internet- where Kirby vacuum cleaners are going for $500 on EBay.

Love,

FrickinMom

(Your Biggest Fan, Ever)

P.S. Thanks for cleaning up the throw-up from my car seat.