Do you know what is better than Christmas? You don’t? Well, I will tell you.

(Drum roll, please.)

A NEW FRICKIN DRIVEWAY!

Richmond American is FINALLY fixing our gravel pit!

The other day I was told that I was mean. For about twenty seconds, this bothered me. Then I realized there are some real advantages to being a beeyotch. If you don’t believe me, check out urban dictionary, where it defines beeyotch as “a term of affection or an insult.” Personally, I am going to go with the affection definition.

So, all of my neighbors that are getting brand new driveways due to my meanness- you can call me a beeyotch whenever you like, and I will take it as a compliment.

I was talking to a coworker today, and he said that I am not a true beeyotch, but I can strategically pull the beeyotch card. I really liked this. That conversation was the seed that grew into the following:

Top 3 Reasons to be a Beeyotch

1. You get what you want- most of the time. If you don’t get what you want, step it up.

2. When you are called this word, it is actually a compliment- like when Lindsey Lohan uses it on the guy she likes in “Mean Girls.” So, if someone calls you a beeyotch, really they are saying they have a huge crush on you.

3. Corporations take you seriously. Aren’t I right, Richmond American?

Yesterday my friend and I went on a walking tour of our neighborhood. We visited with a number of our neighbors that have outstanding Richmond American warranty issues. We are excited to report that Richmond American has been very responsive, and has agreed to repair driveways, garages, drywall, stucco, porches, insulation, sprinkler systems, and other items.

While we were walking, our conversation turned to the sidewalks. Who is responsible for this eyesore? Is it Richmond American, Eagle Mountain or the Home Owners Association? There are huge sections that are spalling, cracked, chipped, and need repair.

A couple years ago, some moronic “repair” crew (I wonder who hired them, and further PAID them? C’mon folks, that was one frickin shoddy job!) came through our neighborhood and spray-painted circles around every cement problem. A few days later, a couple of inexperienced laborers came through and slopped some cement on top of the holes and cracks. Today, the cracks and spalling are worse than ever, and to add insult to injury, the spray-painted circles are still there, calling greater attention to them. There are approximately two to three of these “patches” in front of every home. What the frick? Who’s idea was that?

My parents have lived in a Lindon subdivision for almost ten years, and their sidewalks look great. This makes me wonder: Is this a Richmond issue or an Eagle Mountain issue? Perhaps both? I am curious if any other subdivisions have the same problem. Our sidewalks make our neighborhood look ghetto, and are a safety concern for kids on bikes, scooters and tricycles.

I took the pictures showing the cracks in front of my home. There are other houses in the neighborhood that are considerably worse. The sidewalk section adjacent to my driveway is spalling (the top is chipping off) but it is not as bad as the sidewalk shown below.

As responsive as Richmond has been regarding outstanding warranty issues, I am curious what their recommendation is on this.

Now that our houses are getting fixed, it would be really nice to have beautiful sidewalks as well. With all of these improvements, I might want to stay awhile! Can you say summer block party? Frick yeah!

With all the emotion I have in my soul, I have tirelessly embarked upon a journey of frickin artistic discovery. Richmond American, I dedicate this ode to thee.

For four long winters

I trembled on icy, frigid nights where heat escaped me.

For forty-eight unending months

I stumbled on our driveway, falling, trying to protect my Nordstrom shoes from gravel marks.

For one thousand, four hundred days

I wiped away tears of frustration over a dryer-vent that whipped through the air mercilessly, unable to be attached to the outside vent.

For 33,600 hours

I cursed the plastic covering our main floor fireplace, prohibiting its use.

For 2,016,000 minutes

I glared at my windows, wishing they protected me from heat and cold.

For 120,960,000 seconds

I swore I would never buy another Richmond Home.

Now, I shall change my song and begin a count anew.

So, it is hard being the amazing star that I am, but I will try to not let it go to my head. The paparazzi, the interviews, my phone ringing off the hook, the fans…

OK, so maybe it isn’t that hard.

In all reality, we are making some serious headway exposing Richmond American. Kelli O’Hara and her producer spent over two hours with us last night. I have to tell you, if you need to rant, nothing beats being given a microphone, camera and undivided attention. I could have gone on for hours and hours. Wait a minute, I did.

I gave them a tour of my home and pointed out all the construction and installation problems. After they were done with my house, they interviewed a number of my neighbors, and then visited another development in Lehi. The crazy thing is, every single Richmond American house they knocked on had considerable issues.

Kelli called me tonight. The ABC4 Investigative Team is planning on flying to Denver (Richmond American headquarters) early next week. They have found hundreds of lawsuits filed by unhappy homeowners. I conducted a quick search myself and found lawsuits in multiple states regarding plumbing, driveway concrete, radon, and mold.

Really Richmond American? Really? Frickin criminals!